The CLOAK of GRACE

The most often repeated command from Jesus in the New Testament is:

"FEAR NOT or DO NOT FEAR". 

This jumped off the page at me as I was reading about Grace.  I've come to believe that GRACE and FEAR can't coexist in a Christian's life. 

As I've shared before fear has taken up residence in my life far more than I like to admit.  For different reasons and on different levels.  But Jesus has the victory in my life, and is teaching me, stubborn old little me, bit by bit.

A book I've been reading astutely observes that each one of us is master to something.

Hate to tell you....its true.  

Stop and think about that for a minute.  What rules your thoughts, motives, desires? Whatever that is... is master over you.

Unless.

You.

Choose.

Grace.

Picture this, whatever is MASTER in my life, is a cloak around me. 

For me it looks like this, a CLOAK of FEAR or GRACE.  Fear cloaking leads to living life worried about what others think, worrying about my sin, my failures, looking more at myself and what I can do, produce or control.  

Fear cloaking produces fruit in my life that looks like judgement, criticism, legalism, pride, shame, perfectionism.....I'm sure you can think of a few others.

Much of religion sadly has been focused more on the CLOAK of FEAR, than the CLOAK of GRACE.

However the fruit of Grace Cloaking is quite the opposite, it produces LIFE.  It nourishes acceptance, balance, humility, confidence, joy, peace, love....and the list could go on.

I've begun reading through grace verses in my Bible.

Starting in the old testament,  I read Psalm 45:2,

"You are the most excellent of men and your lips have been ANOINTED with GRACE."

Moving on I went to Proverbs 1:8-9,

"Listen, my (daughter), to your father's instruction and do not forsake your mother's teaching, they will be a GARLAND to GRACE your head."

Then to Proverbs 3: 21-22,

"My (daughter), preserve sound judgement and discernment, do not let them out of your sight; they will be LIFE for you, an ORNAMENT to GRACE your neck."

And finally ended my morning on Proverbs 4:9,

"She (wisdom) will set a GARLAND of GRACE on your head and present you with a crown of splendor."

Through these scriptures, I believe God is calling me to WEAR GRACE.  Cloak myself in Grace.   Allow GRACE to MASTER me. 

A cloak is an outer garment, worn to protect one from the cold.  This life can be pretty cold sometimes.  Jesus says, take my yoke (cloak) upon you, learn from Me, my yoke (cloak) is easy and light, it will bring peace and life to your weary bones.  It will protect you and keep you sound in mind and heart.  

 So this is where I keep landing, when I'm tired and worn.  Wrapping up in my Father's warm cloak.  Feeling His arms of mercy, love, acceptance.....all wrapped up in GRACE. 

*A few pictures from my runs this month.  Its been a lovely month of running :)

 

I started this piece almost a year ago...better late than never (smile and sigh)

 

A little piece of my life....

Often, when confronted with my responsibilities I go into my "whipper snapper"' mode as my mother-in-law used to say.

My focus goes to the task at hand, the worry and fret, the push to accomplish.  Or...

My focus goes to the fear. 

Fear of failing my children, my God, my family or friends.  Fear that I'm missing out on life, the best moments...because I'm struggling to just keep my head above the water of life's persistent demands.

Do you ever feel this way?

 

 

So rewind with me to June of 2012.  I had returned to running, little bits, here and there.  For the first time in 6 years I was not either nursing or pregnant.  It was a time of finding new footing in life, taking a few moments for myself so to speak.  Then in July I smashed my toe and couldn't run for about 2 weeks.  As July came to a close, my inner world was a heavy fog.  I felt like I was pushing through each day, not connected.  Feeling disheartened, feeling that ever present since of failure.

As I was able to return to running, I was noticing how it calmed my heart, centered my focus on what was meaningful to me.  It felt like Jesus was running along side of me many times.  During this time, I began running with a friend, usually 1 or 2 times per week.

 

At the end of our runs we would share a little, and many times we would pray.  We began opening up about our struggles and hurts, our joys and dreams as mothers, wives, and friends.  God was nurturing my heart through my sweet friend and running partner.

However as August neared its end I was still struggling emotionally.  Honestly, I didn't fully realize how sad my heart was until I went to a relative's house in August, and when she asked me how I was, I wasn't able to put on a happy face.  I was honest.  I was hurting. And I was truly questioning my abilities to mother and be emotionally available to my family.

 

She recognized in me grief that hadn't been grieved, and a soul that wasn't being given time to breath.  We had a lovely talk about grief, and carving out time to nurture our souls.  I took a run that next morning and the calm of the morning, the misty blanket over the lake, soothed me and I had peace.

As August turned into September I began focusing my running efforts on final preparation to run my first 10K.  I would be running the Great Columbia Crossing, from Dismal Nitch, WA to Astoria, OR. This race takes you a total of 6 miles, with 4 of them crossing a long and steady climbing bridge over the Columbia River.

 

We camped at the beach the Saturday night before the race.  I was so excited.  I had only done a couple 5K's up to this point.  I awoke to a foggy coastal morning, it was crisp and cold in the early fall air.  My hubby drove me to a drop off point where we were bussed to the starting point.  As the sun rose higher in the sky, the fog burned off, revealing a beautiful yellow and blue sky.

We all gathered at the starting line, readying our music, anticipation in the air.

 

And we were off.

I felt like lead.  My toes were numb, the middle of my back ached, the first mile was miserable.

 

 

Then we turned and began our trek over the bridge.  Suddenly everything came into line, my body loosened up, my breathing regulated, my feet found their rhythm and I was overwhelmed by this since of belonging.

Listening to the breathing of those around me, the patter of feet, all of us in the same zone, focused on the same goal, the same destination.  It was inspiring.

Each song that seemed to play made my heart soar and I began to feel God so close, it felt like the sun was his gentle hand upon my face.

And that's when I felt God say;

 "Leave the pain on the Bridge"

It was like a lightning bolt to my heart.

And as I finished the race and embraced my family, something had changed.

Because what Jesus was telling me is so simple, but so life changing that it freed me.

It meant, lay the fears down.  Truly.

Place them on the Bridge;

Jesus.  

Put all the fear of failure, of messing up and missing out, all the loss and grief at his feet.

 

 

 Jesus says,

"I can do ALL THINGS through Christ who strengthens me."  

    Phillipians 4:13 

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of instruction."  

    2 Timothy 1:7

 

 

     

A Year of Grace

This is my year of GRACE.  

I've set my course on knowing it more deeply, extending it more richly, and being transformed by its understanding and my belief in it's power in my life.

 

And this is where it starts....

It's no coincidence when you see a pattern in the things your reading from multiple sources, when certain people pop up in your life, when conversations and songs and EVERYTHING begins to coalesce like a big blinking neon sign that says.....Focus here!!! Don't miss this!!! God is doing something in these ways!!!

That is the way of THE SPIRIT.  He walks and moves about our lives with intention and if we ask for eyes to see and ears to hear, He will show us.  Sometimes instantly, sometimes in a tip toe way.

So it has felt like a Tip-Toe season in my heart.  I've been wrestling with GRACE and BELIEF.  

And then suddenly, the big blinking neon sign in my heart has gone off! 

Late in September last year, the realization came to me, that through my 20's God was working to establish in me the knowledge of Him. 

But my 30's are a decade of Him calling me to Believe of Him.  

Because its a jump from KNOWLEDGE to BELIEF.  

Here's a couple definitions to flesh this out.....

knowl·edge

ˈnäləj/

noun

noun: knowledge;

1. 1.

   facts, information, and skills acquired by a person through experience or education; the theoretical or practical understanding of a subject.

   "a thirst for knowledge"
2. 2.

   awareness or familiarity gained by experience of a fact or situation.

    

    

be·lief

bəˈlēf/

noun

noun: belief; plural noun: beliefs

1. 1.

   an acceptance that a statement is true or that something exists.

   "his belief in the value of hard work"

   • something one accepts as true or real; a firmly held opinion or conviction.

     
     
   • a religious conviction.

     
     
2. 2.

   trust, faith, or confidence in someone or something.

   
   

Knowledge is the knowing, the acquiring of inspiration and experience that shape us.  It allows us to gain familiarity and awareness, however it is not TRANSFORMATIVE. 

And hence it's crippling ability to make us think we KNOW when we really don't.

Because we must step from knowledge to BELIEF.

Belief is active, where knowledge is rather passive.  Belief transforms, where knowledge can only inform. 

So I am asking myself, where does my knowledge lay, waiting to blossom into belief.  Because that action of BELIEF, will transform that knowledge into something ALIVE in me.  

Jesus says, 

  "My GRACE is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

2 Corinthians 12:9

So my question for myself is how can I take that and move it from knowledge to belief, and what gift will blossom in my soul because of it?  That's exciting.....